Thoughts again

There will come a day when we value ourselves based on how those around us are feeling.

God Jul!

God Jul! Felis Navidad! Merry Christmas!

Exclamation

Trying do some underwater-stuff, here's the first test (with no water-fog so far)

Mindset

Disappointment.

It's the same, the same, all over again

We're controlled by surroundings
no one to blame

So now I'm second, I'm third, I'm lost and twirled

I'm down-prioritized,
From what I've heard.

Great gifts, but never spoke of mine
And when eveningplans get thrown, that's where I draw the line.

-

If there's a will there's a way,
I feel no will from you, that's all I'll say.

You know that gut-feeling that something is terribly wrong?

Assuming Chaos

People who assume instead of asking will conjure chaos. Keep that in mind.

Fuck Limits

Fuck Limits,

Fuck that I am feeling too old to accomplish greatness in training,

Fuck that time seems to be running away,

Fuck vengeance-lies, I Will remain true no matter fucking what.

Fuck shit-talkers, Keep talking you stupid fucks.

Fuck Jealousy, I have and will NEVER be jealous in a way that makes me negative towards that person, they fought for something and obtained it, well done!

Fuck social games, Life is not a game about money you childish fucks, there is no winning and there is no losing, we all die equally in the end, let's try to make the best of it.

All angles

Well, sometimes it's not easy to understand the amount of unthinking asshole one can be, but to see everything from all angles helps. Train this, Master it.

I will, because I'm sick of being an asshole without the intention of being one.

Marked by demand.

"Become something, quick, do something, succeed in everything, you are a total failure if you fail"... it still echoes in my mind, from time to time.

I trip myself before I get to go anywhere - a friend of mine said, and damn that is accurate.

...

... _ _ ...

Personal Redevelopement

It's a common expression, "People never change".

I too believed in this, and it limited me into being the one i saw myself as. (Back then pretty damn frail and sometimes an asshole).

so I said FUCK YOU QUOTE and I started changing myself, when I wanted, as much as I wanted.

The sum of all these years of personal redevelopment has taught me this one thing. Now listen carefully....

You become great by being the one you think deserves greatness.

It actually is that simple. Imagine a person you would look up to, and realise that that person is your future self!!!

Now go become exactly what you want

A little song-loop called "I'm pathetic"

2Dark

Two pics of "2Dark", made in sculptris and blender.

SundayPaintin

"Untitled - 1"

..............

...................................

24 Years

24 years,

It still echoes in my head,

no more tears,

just a ton getting out of bed.

You always fail

You never finish

a ship without a sail

we wish you deminish

Negativity wrapped in a joke

To cover up the evil plot

You always made me choke

Hoping to see me rot

When you make it seem,

Like all I say is wrong,

I can never persue a dream,
and I can never grow strong.

Congratu-fucking-lations.

Removing hate.

Hate is never to be answered with hate.

All the hate you absorb by not sending forward.

Will disappear from earth when you die.

- Me

The world in numbers

Start this song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ki90c8-6QWA

Enter this webpage

http://www.worldometers.info/

maze mind

torn asunder this ancient place
in order to find some peace
in the mind the endless maze
a prison with no release

all before became
the now the then the later
repeating it's all the same
the allie became the traitor

for a maze's design
is built by the mind
and as the divine
we will never see behind.

we will stand stunned
at it's complex structure
all distances runned
legs not wall rupture

so we lay to rest
as bones in a maze
an outcarved chest
a sighting in haze

the mark where we were
helps the next man
clarity from blur
out of the maze he ran.

thought-storm

i try I try I try
but it's always a constant fail
I die I die I die
facing I'm just too frail

for how can I save, those that I want
when Im a constant slave, of the "can't can't can't"

i've felt a line
that I can't want to cross
A barrier of mine,
to never be your loss.

what I say I live for is true.

keep sleepin my love.

How to understand bullshitters and how to carry on.

People who say negative things to you that isnt constructive criticism, or say negative things about you amongst others without giving you a chance to understand what to improve before being judged are really just saying

"we are jealous, and we lack the knowledge to comprehend why you are succeding where we are not and we dare not ask because that would make us seem less strong than what we make people believe we are".

People like this are to be ignored, because you will never benefit from having them around you. Focus on yourself, Focus on getting forward, Focus on what you want to do and don't worry, never worry. For things will work out one way or another, the worst thing that could happen is that you'll die, and that will happen anyway so calm down, relax, feel the posibility in having a choice and let yourself dream.

If there's a voice in your head saying "you dont have what it takes" tell that voice to shut the fuck up and follow the dream anyway. This is one of many guidelines to being free. And it's free of charge, from me, to you.

(I do know that it isnt this easy if you've really been beat down to a certain degree, but if I got your hopes up, then it is working, and it has had some positive effect)

Once you have achieved the self-asteem and begun to realise the dream, that's when you will have energy enough to confront and find out why people are stuck in an imaginary competition about being the most popular. If you spend life trying to find what others like most, then where does that leave your self?

I hope you have learned something, until next time, I'm off trying my wings on every single dream I've ever had. If everything falls apart, atleast I am best att failing ;P. Ciao!

HeartKey

"HeartKey"

Setting

...

Growing chains

Screaming a chaos in a world of gray

as skin gets ripped by chains

teeth are lost in the endless dismay

as blood on my feet rains.

Another step another pull another fight of life

Frentic feet never stops, drops paints pictures of strife

a burden so heavy dragged in the dirt

leaves a trail no one will see

a marked ground from now till birth

tells the true story about me.

Kill me insane.

Oh the pain, as you kill me insane

From birds the feathers flock

You slaughter my brain, with the energy you drain

Bittering the shallow rock

Murderous fire from the eternal choir

singing invain from a chain

help us help us

as they scream in fire

Relentlessly dragging the chain.

Song Update

Here's an update of the song I made for my friend that died earlier this year.

Give it a listen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qA6ysbnRO1w

The game of games

After a while of yatzy

RebelMinded

Be a rebel of your mind,

Break free from bounds,
Leave your doubts behind,

Create new grounds.

DailyNightTime

BubbleCountry

Punished

You like to be punished,
Worthless you've been marked,
All self-respect vanished,
As the pictures of youth sparked.

Stoneheart

You want others to regret,

How they judged you wrong,

A game towards everyone you’ve met,

With a goal to get you strong.

but since it's based on others,

You will always feel alone,

No real sisters or brothers,

A heart going stone.

well well well said the Jester

well well well, I wouldnt tell tell tell, your secret is safe with me

yell yell yell, Im about to sell sell sell, all your words for free

I'm the jester, the pester
the fake the false

Im the player, the tester
and you're dancing my waltz

round round round it goes
pull pull pulling your nose

sleepless

I feel left alone, as you turned to stone
and silently ignored my mind.

no sleep is found, as Im tightly bound
without any calm to find

Paintings

Past paintings of postponed positions, holds greater mysteries than the ones at hand, for they were painted by feel and fire, not burnt by wearing demand

2

Some weight words,

some weight actions,

some are free as birds,

some are locked in factions

1

Another walk, another talk as we close in on the end

In silence we scream, in secret we dream, this time in life we spend

someone to rape the wall

A one to rape the wall,

our parents made us build,

an answering call,

by someone else killed.

Alone is never strong,

there's only a foolish illusion,

we always long,

for the lifesaving itrusion.

Alone is weak

alone is never strong, there’s only a foolish illusion, we will always long, for the lifesaving intrusion.

Sub-Stream

Fucking the stream, follow truth no matter,

Let loneliness scream, To be repaired we must shatter.

Poisoned River

You're stuck with the poisoned river, Unreleased in your vains, In warmth you shiver, Chained in pains

Wasted

Pain has been wasted, In vain it's been pasted, a lie in your face, dealing death for days.

Asorted Unearthed

There was one of us, and there was me. Now I'm never alone, you see?

For the wreckage of one, shall blot out the sun, and in darkness you'll forever be.

Bloody Hell

"Bloody Hell"

A friendship ends

"A friendship ends"

Please enjoy it. I did not enjoy making it.

I shut my mouth to shout.

the pencil swooped
an endelss loop

as I try my best and fail

mind in all power
I myself devour

uncovered in razorblade-hale
---------

afraid she might leave
but telling her creates doubt
no pain she'll recieve
As I shut my mouth to shout.

awoken insane, prison of pain
teethgrinding guards spit in my face
around and around, goes the train
looped in an endless maze.

awaiting to be saved in silence
supressing anger and violence.

slay me with the words unspoken.
for they will echo my cranium apart.

Self-Confessional

My thoughts, my entire life, has been to create a positive enviroment for everyone around me.

But.. what I came to realise, is that this has been done in a theatrical way, I have forced it forward.

And in some extent, lied with my bodylanguage.

Now I know why I don't feel like I'm worth as much as I should.

I've been lying with fabricating my bodylanguage on and off my whole life.

For changes to take place, changes must be made.

Priority one: Honesty

Speed-Cat

Here's a CAT IN 20 MINUTES! :@

Mr Cows

Made a quick character, 1½ hours, It's Mr Cows.. Let him amooooooouse you (krkrkrkkrkrk)

Words of a wise man

It's the deepest burried seeds that become the finest flowers

Song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQDBGzhGbNo

Shifting memories

Sadness and Sorrow

Yesterday, one of my friends died.

I don't think my brain has comprehended it yet... I feel like everything must be some kind of sick joke, or some social scheme... but truth seems to be pointing where I don't want to look...

From what I've heard, he had been drinking, and walked alone, over a bridge, took his stuff out of his pockets, put them on the ground, and jumped into the water.

Some say it was suicide.

I've thinking myself crazy over this, over and over again. And I don't want to reflect more than necessary right now.

My thoughts right now, swarm around the fact that he had been drinking... so did alcohol make him feel like he would be able to swim then and there?, and if so.. did alcohol damage his mind and nerves enough to make him UNABLE to make it to the shore...?

Ofcourse there was more to it than that... He probably had a hard time emotionally aswell... damn I wish he had talked to me, so I could have done everything in my power...

I already kind of semi-hated alcohol. The one mindbending poison people constantly feel like defending. But now I'm feeling a hard time keeping cool about my thoughts on this drug...

For me to make a change, an actual change, I must continue as I am, to show people that it is not needed to have fun. For that I need patience. Things like this tend to take away my patience because I want to defend those around me. From what they themselves choose to drink... which makes it difficult, because I am not going to force anyone to do anything. It must come by their own will based on observation. Ok I don't even know what Im talking about anymore... I don't like this.. at all.. and I miss him...

Going out dancing tonight, to honor his memory, and start the dancefloor, dancing for both of us. I hope he's watching me from somewhere.

Hoppas du har det bra där du är nu Krilla... <3

Burn the light in pain

Burn the light in pain,
As dark broods the wicked

Slaughter life invain

erase those you tricked

Jagged hearts await salvation

No longer is life seen

Arisen in constant elevation

Not in life nor death, stuck, inbetween.

Constant sorrow

of a kind never seen

broken tomorrow

damaged dream.

Demanger 1

FEELING YOUR SCENT

BRINGS MY MURDEROUS INTENT

KEEP CRAWLING YOU MAGGOT OF FEAR

NOW WE WILL SEE, LADIES AND GENTS

IF YOUR TEETH WILL PAY THE RENT

Incarnation of anger

FIVE years invain

LIFETIME insane

I murder myself

To kill the pain

I LOST ALL I HAD

I'm HAPPY when I'm SAD

For PAIN reveals my ANGER

a DRIVING FORCE

of NO REMORSE

A FIERY DEMON

RIDING A HORSE

HITS THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE,

OF REGRET AND LIES

AND KILLS MISERY FOREVER...

I'm incarnation of anger

Tamed as a pet.

Ways of life

Don't waste energy on people that drain yours

Look for people with the same focus, not necessarly same interest.

Language was made to understand one another, anyone who uses it in a different manner shall be ignored.

Stay away from people who can't admit their own faults, while trying to bring forth yours. They are stuck in social gaming, following rules set by other people and therefor going to get lost in the process. If you wish to save someone out of this, beware, for they might consume your energy instinctively, since they're steadily losing their own.

The circulationsystem for your blood has the heart as a pump
The lymph-system that transport filth out of your body doesnt have a pump, it uses muscles
So move it.

Don't let your mind be an obstacle for your success.

That's about it for now

Sacrifice to Salvation

I've sacrificed myself for the greater good
To make everyone around me stronger
But things didnt turn out like they should
So I cannot go on no longer.

I've acted out the weak part
So other's can feel strong
Self-damaging dedication tore my heart
And it all enden wrong

I've played an asshole to strangers few
And let them push me away
It strengthens them anew
Their path is no longer astray.

People feel stronger in teams
But that needs a common conclusion
Nothing is as it always seems
I've brought you together in illusion.

My selfasteem has died
And I feel alone
I'd lie if I never cried
Life painted darker tone.

I was about to take the final decision
When you came along
You saw straight through my vision
We were singing the same song.

Now I'm devoted
To someone that actually gives back
Words are meant, not emoted
She takes me back on track

The world left me

Here comes a link to a melody I made recently.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEMkw86k69w

walk

We walk amongst dreamers and sleepers, laughers and weepers, angels and reapers.

7/7

The screams echo in my head

I hear desperation and fear in your voice

Twisting and turning held down in bed

I would have changed places with you... if I had a choice

I can't stop checking if you're alright

I fear I can't help when you need

I've seen the most disturbing sight

what I have written I almost cannot read

Tears blur my writing

As I recall the moment in my head

Please never let us experience something like this again...

I love you.

I love you.

haterz

Haterz gonna hate, lovers don't debate

Blinded

Dont be so blindlingly obsessed with winning that it becomes an obstacle for your trying.

Question.

So, what are you guys doin tonight?

If you dont answer, you're a fucking stalker.

Drop Zone

Get your headphones on.

Max the volume.

http://grooveshark.com/#/s/Drop+Zone/2gcCFy?src=5

Listen to this.

I love to hate you

Love and hate mix

As we get twisted in bed

Hand on throat fixed

Voices in the back of my head

Every inch of your body's mine

Give me your heart and soul

As our lusts entwine

You've made me whole

I need you more than life

It makes me angry yet worried

You're the calm in my strife

You bring out the demon once burried.

wise man shares thoughts

As the words leave your mouth, so they exit your head.

if you've got worries or problems, you better have them said.

Burden of enlightenment

Torn a thousand ways

Constantly caught inbetween

Contemplating death for days.

As I know things unseen.

Twitter

I'm now using twitter aswell. D_Angelous (Recently changed name so it may not appear in search for the next couple of minutes) *Changed it at +1 08:23

Another day of optimization

Yesterday I deleted my facebook account, and my dayviews, they mostly brought stress into my life and all stress will be killed.

I've been studying enzymes and anti-cancer treatments of alternative/natural kinds, to gain greater insight into the cells behaviour and enviroment... So I can optimize my cells. Small changes, big differences.

Oh btw, I have found my "other half", she's strong when I'm weak, I am strong when she's weak, we boost eachother, no lies, no manipulation, pure positivity, as it should be. I'm going to do everything I can to help her improve and strengthen her self-asteem and to bring her some more calm in life.

"Cancer, the big lie"

http://www.jonbarron.org/alternative-cancer/therapy-natural-health-podcast

Scroll down the page and you'll find it

It's worth listening to

Words of a wise man

The time of thinking and analysis is over, It's time to grasp what you have and do what has to be done.

Follow your heart, for heartbeats are the rythm of your life

Strength through Truth

when the road of truth is travelled,

secrets of oneself is revealed,

and as more and more gets unravelled,

You come closer to being real.

Freedom comes from being real,

To be calm in whoever you are,

To be honest to everything you feel,

The way to truly grow tall.

Rather be damaged and weak,

Than a perfectly played role,

A role takes energy and time to tweak,

Separating mind and soul.

You must locate a damage to get it fixed,

This can not be done by staying blind,

It's when you and yourself gets mixed.

Clarity of soul and mind.

I'm proud to say I am weak,

I confessed it to a setting sun,

A weakness that disappears as we speak,

For limits I have none.

Duality

"Duality"

Bloodstar

Expect epicness

I told you to expect epicness

Man made god

Dancemove compliation

Here's some from todays training of breakdance-moves

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5yF7fwvQ4c

questionmark

why are the ads on my blog so fucking unrelated?... lol...

The many marbles of a broken circuit

"The Many Marbles Of A Broken Circuit"

I'm a creative thinker

one word,
can become heaven

one word,
can become hell

one word grows louder

Louder than any yell
...

One thought echoes around
In a blank mind of the free
A wispering noise becomes a sound
A sound so thick you can see

Materializing waves
Building a cage
I'm all out of saves
A warrior broken.. in need of a mage.

Burning heartbeats

"Burning Heartbeats"

New Strength

With the new strength I am stronger

Gained strength unbound

Failing exists no longer

Success is the only outcome to find

A few questions for you.

I want you to ask yourself and reflect upon the questions Im writing down soon

There is no right or wrong in how you see these things, so don't worry about feeling dumb or strange.

Questions:

What is strength to you?

What controls your life and your actions?

Are you free?

Are you trying to be accepted by the world, or are you forcing the world to accept you?

Cats

Cats, "Freedom inpersonated"

A dangelous dynamic

"Bounce"

Guardian

your mind needs to be rested
from all thoughts born
you're constantly being tested
from words and actions torn

I want to be the unjudging silence
something to give you space to think
to protect you from words and violence
to be support for your weakest link

I want to help you find
a way to strengthen your all
a support for yourself in your mind
a foundation strong to grow tall

My will has been set
I will be there
As I grow stronger yet
you will have nothing to fear

I've found a new source for my will to live
It's in the positivity and joy I know you can give

To make this world a better place
To bring clarity to those lost in this maze

I've seen it in your eyes

Pure hope

i need you

This feeling unfelt
Like a sight unseen
A smell never smelt
The reality inbetween

I feel connected
A bond without bound
A destined soul selected
A calm in chaos found

I need you beside
But I can't say in what way
For now thoughts hide
waiting day by day

It would only complicate
If I spoke my mind
Im afraid to irradicate
Leaving happiness behind

Death-door

Another razor caught in the trap of a fist

For its longing no longer apply

Depth comes near as we diminish the mist

All covered in blood it will cry

One slice of the world

Red marked thunder

Reality twirled

Dreams asunder

A passage to hell

From the light of a pyre

Silence broken by fiery yell

Bloody virgin caught in wire

Release me into none

Crying nails all dead

Let me see the sun

Blooded eyes all red

One strike at dawn

sunburn on canvas

Crippled ... ... ... ... Lawn

... ... ... ;.

...

..

.

The meaning of all, is everywhere.

First we are going to look at the smallest components of this world

Quarks, or, Strings (The latter is only a theory, not proven... but I like theories so Ill keep em here anyway)

They all move, constantly, vibrating. But the important thing to remember here = They move constantly

Look at the biggest component, the universe.

It's ever expanding, so what is it doing? yes.. it is constantly MOVING.

Electrons constantly move around protons

The planet constantly circle the sun

Time is constantly moving forward

What you are SUPPOSE to do is fucking obvious. Move, Evolve.

If you now think "Oh he means exercise, Im too lazy for that", well thats because you havent begun MOVING yet, start off small, do ONE exercise right now, why not? is it timeconsuming? no. Will it drain all your energy? no it will not.

JUST

Do it

*Read the rest after you have done ONE exercise (can be anything, pushup, situp, whatever)

there. Now you have taken THE first step.. wait a minute, you didnt do the exercise at all...

Just fucking do it.

It might be a small step, and you might see it as irrelevant. but everything is relevant. And this was your first step. Now continue walking. then running. and so on.

Limits do NOT exist

Thoughts of you being lazy are in the way, crush them.

Thoughts of you not being good enough or not being able to achieve something are in the way, again, CRUSH them.

There are enough obstacles in this world already

Dont become one of them.

i have to move now.

ciao

Someone

I found someone who understands
without saying
I feel no demands
no moods swaying

I've grown protective
for this means much
in no ways selective
for Ive never believed in such

Im going to meet you tomorrow
longing
when I can support you in sorrow
songing

:3

progression

accepting weakness is just another step towards strength

failure is just another step towards winning
if you are standing still... start walking, then running, then jumping, then flying to whatever destiny you want.

changes in yourself will occur, accept the dynamics, use them, evolve into the person you want to be.

"limits" is a word. not a rule.

Change

Be the change you want to see in the world. Change is not only possible, it is the reason we exist, through evolution, we have changed, from nothing, into who we are today, never doubt your abilities to change the world into something better.

For the time of humanity's infancy is over, we have grown, and we will grow

away from all manipulative and weak behaviour.

Strenght is ours to grasp. And we will do it.

"Real living is living for others" - Bruce Lee

Portrait of furr

I am cat

Wisdom spotted

A mask might make you feel safe, but it will keep you from seeing clearly

The constant waiting

Constant waiting

You are constantly waiting

For a bus that never arrive

So you're misery's inflating

It's time to grab a car and drive

Wait for no one

Never wait

Be your own sun

Grab your fate

The hope you feel

Is your will waiting

You have the power to heal

As actions replace debating

Society and the world is built by mankind

Why should you be less?

Grab the skills you can find

Get clarity in your mess

You can achieve anything

By believing that you actually will

You could be the one to paint, or sing

And so your emptiness will fill

Stop believing someone will fill that gap

It does not require someone else to make you whole

It's about avoiding this trap

To find the true calling of your soul

I have

You will

I will see to it

Love-Equation. dont read this.

here comes summer again, the increase of sunshine makes us produce d-vitamins, and the lighter days have a positive effect on our psyke.

In this freedom of coming out of darkness, we feel more open. We become ourselves more, we "fall in love" because we meet someone else that speaks their mind. We are convinced by the equations to complex to understand. Warmer weather means more sweat, more sweat means better de-toxication. We move more, even more detoxication. A feeling of being free, that we then later connect to someone.

When then "fall in love", move together or make habbits that increase our happiness some, then we stop caring as much about ourselves as we should, darkness of winter comes again, first we feel comfort in having someone, then we fear losing them, causing us to act defensively in order not to get hurt. This is subconciously registered by our "mate" and they take distance aswell. With no energy left and the primal defensive mechanisms of winter setting into motion, we dont have energy to find the cause to this.

and so we slowly move apart from oneanother, we feel alone, we resort to temporary happiness that leads to inner stress. We connect this negativity to the person we loved, and we then decide not to be in love anymore because our physical changes made by the enviroment and our habbits were falsely connected to the one we had closest.

We then feel free again, thinking that we have gotten rid of the cause. this freedom either makes us hunt goals again, which then makes us feel better, justifying the reason to leave our heartmate. a winter comes to an end, we've built our confidence again, and we fall in love.. once again.

Sorry people, I told you not to read this.

The silent truth

As long as you know you are a good person. You can fall back to that when you need it.

People will lie about you, in jealousy, stories will be told, but remember as long as you know, the truth, nothing else matters, you dont need to tell others, or to make sure others understand that what you do is with good intetions. For what matters is the outcome of it all, the amount of positive energy you bring into this world.

Be true, Be good, See the people around you succeed, know that you are contributing, smile in silence.

I will smile, in silence, forever. For negativity from others cannot reach me anymore.

Wall's up. Defences on. Secret missions to make others happy commence. This is what I live for.

Outer Strength

Outer strength is but a fraction of true strength.

true strength is in the heart, soul, actions, discipline, valuations and respect.

It can only be seen in your actions, and your eyes.

Truly strong people need no acceptance for their actions, they need not to clarify that they are good, they focus on the wellbeing of everyone and expect nothing in return.

Turningpoint

I'm no longer sad

That I was missunderstood

For that troublesome time I had

Someone would have helped if they could

Sadness turned to strength

As i realised a thing or two

That during my depressions length

I've learned what I can do.

I can bend my mind as I please

And I see limits no longer

I see energy-connections with ease

By myself I have grown stronger

Alone is not always bad

For you end up with strength unbound

No one else is needed to convert from being sad

And so unbound strength was found.

I don't hesitate

I don't wait

I don't rely

I know where I'm going, and there's one speed. Mine.

Epic

I was out training

Harmonic Stress

NightStroll

I used almost all of my money to get a camera.

This is going to be an investment.

Truths

Life is not an RPG, you can multiclass to everything, and there is no level-cap.

There are no winners or losers, there are only destinies, waiting to be fullfilled.

So don't wait for anything or anyone, go where you want to go, and go NOW

On track

things are going smoothly, the training is going better, I feel alot better in general.

The solution to my problems of thinking to much, is to do stuff so fast that there is no time for thinking!

FORWARD! never stop, never accept obstacles, all will be conquered in due time.

Talking about time, the latest mental training for me has been trying to unlearn basic stuff in order to lose stress.

Time for instance, what is time? can it be measured? I think not. 1 hour of misery takes alot of more time than 1 hour of fun. All logic goes against this I know.. but logic... is boring... ;P

Peace

No more charades

I'm pretty much done with pretending to be strong in order not to get hurt

It was in some way carved into my mind and it has saved me from some misery probably, but it has also made me miss alot of what could be love or something like that.

When you start using strategies to make girls that like you, dislike you, just because you are afraid that it might end up as something... that a big sign that you are just fucked up. (and it spreads by word of mouth that you are unpredictable or just plain schizo, which isnt really to your advantage either lol) (but then again, "real" people find out things on their own, and dont make assumptions entirely based on negative talk).

To clarify... I've been quite and idiot, destroying myself because I've been afraid of... I dont know... afraid of meaning something to someone I guess.

the food is done, eatingtime. Peace.

Walk on

Walking is nice, walking takes us forward, walking clears my mind

Went walking tonight, pretty randomly, doing some handstands here and there, some legraises on busstops n stuff (to keep muscle-balance). textmessaged my friend C and she came along, it's nice, the weather, fuckin wet though.. but still, not hellfrozen assholes of doom in ze pants (yep I have multiple assholes).

Anyway, it was a nice walk, and we ended up at a small party, talking about random stuff as usual and then my friend K drove me home, she's insanely kind.

Now Im here, waiting for my meal to get done so I can eat, balance my muscles then sleep.

Hmm this actually feels like a blog-thingie... weird lol

Realise the truth.

My birthday passed, with no one close to me taking initative to do something fun with me.

I've realised the truth.

And it scares me. So much that I know dont have confidence to ask anyone else if they want to do something, afraid of getting a "no" I guess.

I simply isn't someone that people want to hang out with. Time to shift focus.

Since I've already "lost" in this aspect, I'll try to win in something else, to keep myself from crumbling down and die in thoughts.

This is where my training comes in. Training gives a happiness based on my own actions, happiness that isnt based on anyone else. The same goes with making paintings or poetry (as the ones I add on here). They make me feel like I accomplish something.

I'm feeling an inner stress right now that is VERY strong, I need to gain some strength here, fast.

So therefor I end this post now. Peace.

Hush little baby...

Reflection

Meditation

Gravity is just another obstacle, change it as you like

My words of wisdom

When losing no longer exists, success is the logical outcome

Thoughts comin out

Feeling safe is a limit-creating illusion resulting in passive behaviour

Life-Changing Resolution

We are alive because the world is spinning

Life is sustained because the circle of life is intact

Our atoms work because of the electrons spinning around protons

A standstill is the destiny of nothing

Get moving

Just get the fuck moving

Every thought of reasons why you shouldnt that pops into your head now are obstacles

This is your life now don't waste it

PaintPlay

Self-Explanatory

Playin in paint is fun

Flipz try 2

Flips goin a little better

Trainin today, did a little somethin

and a nice fail... lol

words of wisdom

Make failure your friend, and success will tag along

4 Years

-------------------I-------------------

For a demon it seems
has ripped my dreams

I fear I no longer exist

Out the blood beams
As I sow the seams

Clarity lost in a mist

-------------------II------------------

Out still I cry

That I want to die

The pain of not knowing hurt

Forced to surrender

My feelings in a blender

Wishing I'd die from birth

-------------------III------------------

Pain was the cost

As love was lost

I tremble in fear of the past

I once had the chance

Lost in a glance

And so the pain amassed

Chill the FUCK out

Hurry hurry! dont miss a thing!

You must become great or everyone will hate you

You must be good in bed or you will be called worthless

You must win every fight for fights are what life is about

Every argument must be won or you will die

You are so pathetic... sigh.

..Chill the fuck out..

Sleepless fucking shithellmotherfuck.

Couldnt sleep last night so what did I do?, I started creating... poetry and a new pianocomposition, but it all turned out like a retarded donkeys arsehole, PERFECT a wasted night and tiredness times a milion... ready for work... seriously life.. fuck off.

Dreams no more

Who I wanted to become...

Faded away

What I wanted to achieve...

Is no more

The dreams I had...

Were stolen in my sleep

What I wanted to hold...

Was never mine

And all I have left is a memory... of what I never accomplished

Nothingness gives me calm, as I realise the truth

I am already dead, and has been... from youth

Breaking the selfbuilt prison

desperatly trying to find
something that connects this madness
a place of clarity behind
ending up with unknown adress

so now Im laying here,
on my bed
when thoughts like fear
passes through my head

I'm afraid for people to know
the fraility that lives inside
and the weakness will only grow
for I never show that side

its in the dark
the sensation is awoken
ignites a spark
when poetry is spoken

depression is captured in creation
making it into something real
it creates a mental elevation
where you can see the way you feel

I hope I can inspire
Others feeling the same
To create the clensing fire
To use poetry without shame

The Answer To Misery

In every part of the world

Misery is spreading

Our view of life is twirled

Purity of people are shredding

Instead of trying to understand

We judge and hate

A complete explanation we demand

We leave no room for debate

We are made this way

Because we believe it's strong

To never from our beliefs stray

This way is obviously wrong

Pushed into never showing our weak side

Believing it will make us stronger

But this only makes us hide

We remain ourselves no longer

And as we fail to be true

We feel like something is lost

And so we do what we do

To feel better no matter the cost

This starts the reaction

Of endless searching for power

But we never get more than a fraction

As in lies we ourselves devour

-

End of part I

Love in it's purest form

I want to love every part

Good and bad

For you have invaded my heart

Like no one ever had

The thought of losing you made me fear

So I tried to gain control

Manipulating what I held dear

And so time took it's toll

I loved you for who you were when we met

Now I've made you weak

The shining sun you were is about to set

And I'm too embaressed to speak

The one I loved exists no longer

For I have destroyed your self-asteem

I wish I was stronger

So I could have told you what I mean

One should love and cherish

A person for who they are

When truth and honesty reign, love will never perish

We have to find someone willing to go that far

Stuck and crushed by lies

I was taught to be one way

To cloak my fear and hide

Strong in rumours I aimed to stay

Fake smile, tear down my side.

Feeling it's too late

In loneliness I'm stuck

When I let feelings inflate

I'm all out of luck

When one only shows strength

Distance taken by fear

Will seem like ignorance

And pain shifts up a gear

Being too weak to tell the truth

I let people paint that picture of me

Now that it has ruined my youth

It's too late to make everyone see

There's no energy or time

To make everyone else understand

My thoughts become poetry and rhyme

Opened link from heart to hand

Loneliness has always been an issue

Created by the curse of being someone I'm not

It left me crying, taking another tissue

Locked in a shell to rot

I'm done hiding

It's time for the real to show

No more social-based-deciding

In truth and time I'll grow

KORVSTRIPPS

A piece of korv a piece of stripps,KORVSTRIPPS