DarkLight

"DarkLight"

A composition portraying the finding of a way out of the darkness

it starts out semi-dark with some unexpected darker tones coming in, then there's the struggle between light and dark notes, the light eventually triumphs, fighting it's way up to the conclusion

Pianz

My first short piano-composition "Pianz"

Face Facts

If you live a life to look good in front of others, you will break facing yourself.

Self-Destructive Solitude

Worthy of none

You feel to be

as you forever run

Afraid to see

Make them dislike

By all means

Your skill's a piercing pike

Shattering dreams

Play dumb to convince

So they'll lose their will

You see losses as wins

No egos you kill

Happiness to all

Loneliness to you

Your sorrow grows tall

As you do what you do

Dont be a part of their life

For you might darken their day

Instead you go through a strife

To make sure that no one stay

Rather be lonely and know

That no one is harmed by you

Then to ever really show

What they can do for you

I feel comfort in pain

As it's inflicted on my soul

You might all call me insane

But sadness is my goal

Alone I can't hurt

Anyone that is near

And to me that is worth

Every single tear

-

A grain of sand in an ocean so vast

The weight of yourself is none

For the eternal future you dwell in the past

From everyone's help you run

Fuel

Painting inspired by my previous poem

The Engine

The cylinder is pushed

By the force created

Fuel is then flushed

As it's swiftly elevated

In this chain of reactions

My engine stopped

It's power is but fractions

As the intake dropped

The cylinders go uneaven

The explosion is vague

The power is leavin

An Engine's plague

Will is my power

To create new explosions

My energy I devour

And so my emotions

It's a last burst

A striking light

To overcome the worst

To get calm in sight

The engine might hold

And I reach my dream in time

Or it will stop and run cold

On a road to steep to climb

SunBright

SunBright

One of my positive paintings! this was made out of the feelings of hope for a very bright coming future. This is only a display-example of low quality, the full resolution was sent to the one giving me this boost.

Break the chains

Hidden all around they wait

For you to make a mistake

Then they start to debate

Just for the attentions sake

Pushing you down

To gain social points

Words to get you thrown

To later hold your joints.

Their chains are smoking dark

As it's their weakness they spread

Hoping to leave a mark

A mark on your life's thread.

These chains can be broken

When you realise their intention

Weakening are the words spoken

A truly malicious intervention

Darkness is purged by light

Embrace your inner will

It's for something bigger you fight

And you will not be kept still

Chains are broken one by one

As you rise tall

In their setting world you're the sun that won

Empowered to endure every fall

The light you shine

By being who you are

Will be a glowing sign

A path to people's own star

Never let words bind

Never let their sentences reach

Leave all negativity behind

It's infact a lesson... that they teach

Those who blindly listen

To the mockings made

Their eyes will never glisten

As into darkness they fade

If you have a dream as a goal

Make it your highest priority

You owe that to your soul

To ignore the malicious minority

Follow your guiding light

You cannot be tripped

It's your life, your fight

And now you are well-equipped

The love that never happened

WHEN THE FUCK

Will you understand

WHEN THE FUCK

It all became sand

In a constant stalemate

Waiting for the other to take action

Nothing will initiate

Wasted attraction

I tried to explain

But it all got wrong

It just started a drain

For the impossible I now long

You saw me and walked away

I cried like a baby

I should have told you to stay

But I was afraid of the maybe

I'm trapped

In my own prison of unaction

around me I've wrapped

A chain of retraction

I'll do my best to get your attention

But you will dislike me for trying

My dependency I cannot mention

You will only think I'm lying

I'm powerless to change

What you're now thinking of me

It's outside of my range

I can't make you see.

I dont know what to say

To make you see me as real

I wish to one day

Tell you what I feel

But I am too weak

Too weak to say

Too damaged to speak

Lost in every way

I will continue making arts

To rehabilitate my loss

Rebuilding a whole from parts

With music in my koss

In my heart we dance

In my dreams we are dreaming

An unhappening romance

Only my unheard screaming

Heavy Soul

With the help of music I set my mind free and this is the result. "Heavy Soul"

Fall

From me to you

Random Brainbarf

Just something my brain barf'd today

Modemo

Newest Creation, probably going to end up a painting

Interrupted Peace

Here's my latest painting "Interrupted Peace"

You can click it to see it in higher resolution

though this is resolution-restricted to 25% (The 100% will be sold on canvas)

Tranquillity

My latest creation, took me all fucking day! sculpting first half, shading the other. Bed now

Wish me luck in falling asleep, if I can't you will probably see some poems here.

Nite!

An Onion Soul

It has come too far

that it's time to understand

I can't raise the bar

It's already to high, the demand

-

I've been trying and trying

I would be better if I could

Instead I have been crying and crying

More than anyone should

-

So I will change my aim

This battle is lost since long

I can't just go through the same

And still remain strong

-

Pain is what I now feel

As layer after layer is erased

Into my core I will peel

Slowly but slowly, no haste

Breathe into me

I know where I belong

But I can't admit

So I listen to song after song

Feeling like shit

Too weak to be strong

Too strong to be weak

I've been missing you too long

And now we never speak

Funny how things end

I make it feel like the right thing

Thoughts now twist and bend

Memories in ever word they sing

Strength Through Truth

when the road of truth is travelled

secrets of oneself is revealed

and as more and more gets unravelled

You come closer to being real

Freedom comes from being real

To be calm in whoever you are

To be honest to everything you feel

The way to truly grow tall

Rather be damaged and weak

Than a perfectly played role

A role takes energy and time to tweak

Separating mind and soul

You must locate a damage to get it fixed

This can not be done by staying blind

It's when you and yourself gets mixed

Clarity of soul and mind

I'm proud to say I am weak

I confessed it to a setting sun

A weakness that disappears as we speak

For limits I have none

Night sky star

Night-sky-star tell me your name

Bright-light-scar of heavens holy reign

In the konstant of the instant

The here feels very distant

For on a surface to near

All the details smear

Into a mud of nothing to disappear

But if I grasp the now

And stop time somehow

I'll find clarity in being

And sanity in seeing

For details of the now revealed

unlocking a fate sealed

In front of the face

The end of a maze

Create your way out

Equation, Equation, Action and Reaction

Devastation, Creation, Repel and Attraction

The equations are too long to list

A complexity that turns to mist

Too many drops to enlist

In the middle of their reactions... we exist.

-

When I look at life as equations I suddenly feel down, because I don't want everything to be calculateable (If that word didn't exist before, it does now). What I mean by this is that if everything can be calculated, then the fate of the world, and we who live in it, is already determined.

I want to make a change, and making a change in something predetermined and fixed is impossible, for if all my actions are based on previous actions and things that have happened to me. Where is my will?

I've fallen into thoughts to deep to comprehend about that earlier in life and ended up in what I would call a depression, so... I created myself out of the depression, by making paintings. Planning my paintings are out of the question, they just happen.

I feel that I tap into something greater when I go creational, not into previous experiences but more like a big something I cant explain. This happens when I write poetry aswell, the mind stops thinking, starts singing and the lyrics of that song turns to text. It's like an honest expression of my mind, without the filters of what one should or shouldn't write.

So people, if life seems too pre-determined, or that you feel like standing still where you are now, create!

The first thing to come to mind when I was going to start create again was "I'm not good enough anymore","I dont have the skills left", "Look at all the other great artists, I dont stand a chance" or maybe even "I dont have the energy".

But... I had a burning desire to get out of my depression so I started off small, like when you train, you cant start with the biggest weights because you just dont have the power. You have to start off small and slowly increase. So I started making sketches and then more advanced sketches, then went into blender (3d-program) to play with functions and see what could happen. I felt as if every creation I made, good or bad, still helped me move forward. So, about half a year later, I sold my first digital arts painting! begone depression, begone!

If you can relate to this story, about feeling "stuck" in your life, start off small to make changes into the direction you want to head, have patience and realise that everything you create, is a ventilation of thoughts and feelings and is therefor equally important, so don't look down on what you create if it doesnt turn out a masterpiece, just see it as negative thoughts and feelings have been ventilated, and move on to the next creation!

I hope that you can relate to this and that it might help you in some way.

Curse of appearance

The common curse

Ugly. This word that describes the appearance of people who are not considered beautiful by the masses. It's widely known, that ugly people are targeted by bullies with their idiotic quest in search for social status. grouping against one individual strengthens the pack, it has always been this way since the dawn of time, having an common enemy strengthens the trust between people in a group. This is just stupid in today's society though, because there aren't much dangers to be afraid of, not enough for us to need a pack anyway. We probably need aliens to get world peace.

Well I wasnt aiming to go that deep into that subject but oh wth what's done is done.

ok, but seriously.

The trophy curse

There's been alot of reflection going on about being ugly and the negativity that follows.

But I'm going to write about the negativity of having good looks instead. Goodlooking, Welltrained and well-shaped people have a tendency to be categorised by the common man. Why? well because of predjudice and jealousy I suppose.

I myself look good, I have had it verified by alot of people, I might not be the best looking guy there is, by I have my apperance in my favour. I've experienced the negativity of having good looks, even though I've only scratched the surface I guess the same principle works for people with greater looks like top-class models aswell.

What I have noticed when I've been curious and asked around about first impressions, I've heard that the thoughts of me being a player came up. (Note, most of these people I've been talking to via community's, and the reason why they might judge me that way is because of pictures where I showoff some muscles. This I can understand, because some people show off muscles as an act of seduction. As of my part, I showed off in search to see if it could help me boost confidence by showing others what I've worked hard to obtain (Poor confidence since childhood, might be taken up in some later post).

It's also notice:able when you get played (As I talked about in the last post), having what by the masses would be called "A hot body" seems to turn you into some kind of trophy, just like that you become somewhat of an "achievement" all of a sudden. Might be because of people wanting to brag about how muscular the one they got in bed were etc.

Another thing I have noticed is that a combination of bad self confidence and good looks often results in that people think that you are very picky, or just down right douchy. When in fact (like in many cases for me) the reason for this non-forthcoming behaviour was the uncertainty of my own abilities in that area, and that I didn't see myself as "good enough" for anyone. And by seeing this as a weakness that I didn't want to show, I went stealthy about it, and jokingly rejected when someone gave me compliments or invited me for some intimacy, ok not always jokingly, but it was always there, finding a way to not get in that situation.

This behaviour might have made the girls think that they aren't good enough or something similar, If I had clarity to understand that back then, I would have explained to them so that their confidence wouldnt take any damage. But I guess I was to busy trying to save myself out of the situation.

So I went skippin out of topic again I think, not completely but near enough. So back in topic.

Understanding

After reflecting upon this and being exposed to it first hand I've come to gain understanding for why many beautiful women and men out there might be less likely to feel secure in a social environment if they have had bad experiences with people such as players before. Constantly being on the defensive isn't showing off one's best side. and a smile can be faked, but just as easily recognized. So I'm not suprised if there's alot of these people out there who never really get to show their best side because of that defensive barrier built to protect against possible "threats". So when people that actually are out to get to know new people on a friendly basis see these individuals, in their defensive stance, they are most likely to get the impression that this person doesn't want to get to know anyone, and then take distance themselves.

So, how do we solve this issue?

Solution

I haven't reflected enough to find a global solution yet, other than one for myself, and that is to listen to peoples actions, not words. A girl can tell me I'm the most goodlooking guy on the planet. But that doesnt weigh nearly enough as to actually feeling that she wants to be with me alot even though there is no sex involved. A behaviour like that would make me be more likely to trust her words later on. There are ofcourse alot of more factors to this, some people have great theatrical skills, and if you are not used to reading people it could get hard. Following gut-feeling and taking risks probably is the only way then. For if the shit hits the fan, you still have been honest to yourself and that's what counts.

That's my solution to the problem, I hope this reading has given you a bit more understanding about not which people we shouldn't be judging by appearance, there are beautiful girls and guys out there, with brains, and high values just like anyone else.

All for now, have a nice night! oh and wait

Have you been in contact with this subject? or something similar?, don't hesitate to write, I'm all ears to everyone

Mind-Saving-Strategies.

Mind-Strategies developed to save yourself, Part 1:

Situation nr 1: Someone plays you, They lure you into thinking that they love you and they take advantage of that.

Solution for nr 1:

Behaviour-conclusion.

People who are players, in the term that they use others to gain confidence from tricking you are in fact tricking themselves more than they trick you. Confidence gained from the attention of others brings a temporary satisfaction, what they do not think about is that they will become dependent on others to gain confidence, they trick themselves and by doing so, creating another need for themselves, another obstacle. Like all lies, they create false truths that need maintenance and therefor brainpower. In other words, they fuck themselves up.

Realising the nature of lies

If this doesnt help you enough in getting over someone like that. Realise that the person you think you loved, does not exist, they are a fabrication, a constructed personality they created to trick you. And mourning a loss for someone that doesnt exist, is that really needed?. When you realise this. They will have no power over you again, no matter what they do, no matter what they say.

Self-boosting

See it as a strenght from your part, you followed what you felt and that's what's important, to spend energy into something you hope for and give all. It's sign of great characteristics and strong values.

Choices of recovery

Alot of people that are played get a feeling that they want to get revenge. It's only natural to strike back when struck. What is to be considered here though, is the amount of people you save from this chain of vengeance if you process the anger and loss of confidence by yourself or with the help of friends. So... if this happens, you have two options. One: Striking back, playing someone else, continuing the chain of vengance only to subconciously destroy for yourself as in any way of lies. or Two: Taking the hit now, process it, finding an alternative way to regain confidence (I made paintings, for instance) doing something creative about the feelings of being hurt, and in that process save theoretically unlimited amounts of people by cutting the chain of vengeance then and there.

There's already enough hate in the world, let's take it away, one step at a time.

Shrapnel of something

This is a story about life big and small.

Once upon a time there was a man, sitting in an old couch in the middle of the largest room in the mansion. This man was dressed in a chaoticly bleached and wornout tuxido. The nametag on his chest read "Vincent Gardelliano".

In the middle of this huge room was a table, a table keeping the couch and Vincent company. This table was standing in front of him, holding a book with the title "Alive A life I lived". With it's impressive count of pages, the book was on the border of being too thick for any human to grasp with one hand. This book was actually more of a huge index, showing the personality of all things ranging from rocks to the a bit more complex humans.

Vincent had been studying life since he was little, and discovered that everything had a soul and personality. To learn from books was out of the question, since Vincent thought that narrowing things down into the boundaries of what other people thought would give more of a tunneled vision than a broadend horizon.

With observation as weapon Vincent went out to see the world with life-searching eyes.

Too be continued.

Self Imprisonment

The statue of demise as been risen,

Everyone talks and no one listen.

oh shame if questions be asked, face of clarity once masked, to be revealed and never be sealed, yeild before you die on the field.

you'd rather wait, rather debate, an ego to inflate before it's too late.

But it's already over. Once you chose not to follow, your whole became hollow, for things will never be, never be as you foresee, every strategy in the world, will only get you twirled.

The question you should be asking yourself is : Killed by a question forever, or killed by the answer in an instant.

Taurus

Oh taurus oh taurus, singing a chorus of vermin and treason to come

Creating a sweep of sadness and weep, saved are the fewer of some

Candles enlight as we're released from fright, salvation a flame in the dark

Life no longer the constant fight as in stone we have left our mark

Vanity, pain, reasons invain, a mask of truth be told,

One by one we all grow insane as the truth of humanity unfold.

A gift was given reason forbidden, we have yet to show our worth

Saving loans not women and children, and so doomed by mother earth